Jokes about taking a long time

The 91+ Best So Long Jokes - ↑UPJOKE

  1. A big list of so long jokes! 91 of them, in fact! Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! So Long Jokes. Why do the election results take so long? It took him a long time to swallow his pride. Why do turtles live so long? In the race of life, they're dead last
  2. Long Jokes As they say, patience is a virtue, especially if you want to hear the punch line of a hilarious joke. Every now and then, you will encounter a person who will make you wait a good amount of time before they deliver the punch line
  3. When you take a long time, you`re slow. When your boss takes a long time, he`s thorough. When you don`t do it, you`re lazy. When your boss doesn`t do it, he`s too busy. When you make a mistake, you`re an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he`s only human. When doing something without being told, you`re overstepping your authority
  4. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. One liner tags: beauty, drug, puns, time, work. 82.65 % / 3372 votes. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense. One liner tags: alcohol, puns, time
  5. utes until they get to the punchline. Most of the time, it's worth it. Vote on your favorite funny long jokes
  6. A time out. Why did the shark throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! Are you a clock? Cause you're ticking me off. I was going to do a joke about watches and clocks , but I have not got the time. National Watch Day is celebrated annually on June 19th. It was first introduced in 2017 by Nordstrom. Knock Knock. Who's there.
  7. The joke is on the listener after they spend time listening to a really long set-up, they don't get the payoff. posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:45 AM on August 22, 2009 [ 1 favorite ] The Nate the Snake joke

Long Jokes That Take Time To Setup And Then Hit Your With

The Grammar Nazi: Whomsoever submitted this joke obviously hasn't got much useful knowledge of English grammar. notsaying: That's the type of joke you'd hear in 3rd grade and thinnk it was the funniest thing on Earth, then you grow up and realize the joke was not funny in the slghtest A: To know the beginning and end of time. Q: For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and loose his soul Mark 8:36 —This is not a joke. Q: What did the second hand say to the hour hand as it passed by? A: See you again in a minute. Q: Why didn't the cuckoo come out of his door If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners. Go away! said Myra. I'm broke and haven't got any. A friend of mine is an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac. He stays up all night long wondering if there's a dog. 7. One day, a police officer pulls a car over and sees the backseat is full of penguins. The officer tells the driver, You can't be doing this, you need to take these penguins to the zoo 5 - While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the d... More ››. 6 - A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzl... More ››. 7 - The proud owner of an impressive new clock was showing it off to a friend

Look Mom! I'm A Firebender! by gafcomics - Meme Center

When you take a long time Joke - Joke Buddh

Long time, no see. This joke may contain (I am not sure if this joke has been said before on this sub) A lady was at her desk one day and receives a phone call from someone unknown. She goes ahead and picks up the phone and hears a man say,This is the Viper, I am coming in one week. The lady hangs up and seems pretty confused After a long and tiring drive throughout the night, the driver decides to pull over on the side of the road to take a nap. A man knocks on the car's window and this wakes the driver from his sleep. The man asks the driver what time it is Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Doctor: Next time, take off the candles. Doctor: I've got very bad news - you've got cancer and Alzheimer's. Patient: Well, at least I don't have cancer. Story Jokes. Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news

256 Time One Liners - The funniest time jokes - OneLineFun

The man gets very close and whispers A long time ago a man was buried here and three days later he came back, I cant take that chance with her. 3. After days of driving, a trucker walks into a empty small-town diner and sees three signs above the counter Her husband responded, If I'd known about the sex, I would've had the surgery a long time ago! Switching Roles A husband-and-wife photography team we know shoot their pictures together, do their developing and printing together—in fact, they're together 24 hours of the day

Random Funniest Jokes With Long Set Ups That Are Totally

Holy god that's nerdy. Took me a full 3 minutes to realize what the joke was even getting at. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. I heard this joke as told by Zilean, the League of Legends character Joke 17 Homeopathy holds that a substance, which causes symptoms when taken in large doses, can be used in far smaller doses to treat those same symptoms. We're trying this with our jokes column How much time will have passed by the time Andrew's taken all three pills? Answer : One hour. Andrew will take one right away, then take one a half-hour later, then take the final one a half.

When I take a long time, I'm slow. When my boss takes a long time, he's thorough. When I can't finish it, I'm lazy. When my boss can't finish it, he's too busy. When I do something without being told, I'm hasty. When my boss does something without being told, he's using his initiative. When I please my boss, I am crawling Time flies when you're having fun, and honestly, when you're at work, you need the time to pass as quickly as possible. These office one-liner joke s, quotes, and funnies will bring a little laughter to your workplace. And if your boss catches you slacking, just tell them you're trying to improve office morale! If you love what you do, that's great, but everyone could use a breather. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients. I became a professional fisherman but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. I'm aspirin' to be a chemist. I wanted to be a tree doctor but I faint at the sight of sap 14 Sad, Funny Jokes About The Reality Of Taking Vacation Days Now. A day off from work looks a lot different in 2020. By Monica Torres. 12/10/2020 05:45am EST. Before the coronavirus pandemic, taking a vacation could mean going on an exciting getaway or spending quality time visiting friends and family

Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.. 101 Clean Jokes. 1. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Please I know this is bad

Long Time Quotes - BrainyQuote. It takes a long time to grow an old friend. John Leonard. Friendship Time Long. Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. Warren Buffett. Inspirational Time Today What jokes do you make when someone takes a long time to load into the game? Close. 3. Posted by 7 years ago. Archived. What jokes do you make when someone takes a long time to load into the game? Damn summoner I thought they kept ENIAC in a museum. 34 comments. share. save. hide. report. 55% Upvoted. This thread is archived

Time Jokes - Clock Joke

A: To know the beginning and end of time. Q: For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and loose his soul Mark 8:36 —This is not a joke. Q: What did the second hand say to the hour hand as it passed by? A: See you again in a minute. Q: Why didn't the cuckoo come out of his door These may have you scratch your head a little but once you figure the joke, you are sure to react as if you just saw the gold coin on your table even though it had been lying there the whole time. Following is our collection of funny Boss jokes.There are some boss work jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline My Grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Atlanta Zoo. #19 - 10. Dark Humor Jokes. 19. Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school. 18 The best math jokes make kids laugh, then help them learn. Why was math class so long? The teacher kept going off on a tangent. Multiplication and division jokes Students get to enjoy a magical world with exciting gameplay and learn math at the same time. Most of the time your class won't even realize they're taking part in lessons

What are good examples of jokes with long set-ups

The next time you feel that your friend or group of friends is having too solemn of a moment, use one of these hilarious jokes to lighten the mood and show off your newfound creativity. A little bit of cheesiness is good in any situation, and the best knock knock jokes most definitely supply it Sharing a simple joke of the day makes work more enjoyable and goes deeper than just passing the time. Here are our favorite office jokes that work perfectly for the joke of the day or if you're in need of a laugh. 101 Work Jokes for the Joke of the Day. A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. 2. What was David Bowie's last hit? Probably heroin. 3. What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? You can't take a joke. 4. What do you call a deaf gynecologist? A lip reader. 5. I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never come for me. 6. What did the elephant say to the. Take a look at these 75 hilarious dark jokes, and if you catch yourself guffawing despite the gruesome subject matter, you may just be the kindest, most intelligent person you know. Funny Dark Jokes My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer

Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR. In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, Wake up, it's time for school. Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: Wake up, it's time for hockey practice The first blonde takes the radio and says, If we get bored, we can put the radio on and listen to music. The second blonde decides to take a wheel, In case one of us gets really tired, we can go inside the wheel and be rolled. The third blonde takes the car door, In case it gets too hot, we can roll down the window! 24 he asked. Yes, the blonde answered, and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. And by the way, the blonde a dded, it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari. Joke has 85.76 % from 1349 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, husband, money, work

A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper, there was a single line that simply said, Is this a question? — Discuss. After a short time, he wrote, If that is a question, then this is an answer. The student received an A on the exam A bear walks into a bar and says, Give me a whiskey and a cola.. Why the big pause? asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. I'm not sure. I was born with them.. Check out this side-splitting collection of the funniest one-liners on the Internet. 12 / 75. Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com

So while funny jokes — even coronavirus and quarantine jokes — might feel gratuitous in the face of today's world, they can actually do a lot of good. ADVERTISEMENT While we obviously need to continue to take COVID-19 very seriously, and follow the recommendations from the CDC and the WHO, it's okay to find the humor in all of it Jokes and Anecdotes Sometimes we need to lighten up, not take life so seriously. And sometimes life does not seem to offer enough circumstance for laughter as we need. So in that regard, here is a page of humor and jokes that will lighten things up a bit. Jokes are first and anecdotes are below A golfer tried three straight times to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and the green. But each time the ball splashes into the drink. In utter frustration the golfer said, Caddie, take my clubs on in, I'm going to jump into the water and drown myself.. The caddie replied, I doubt that, sir First thing's first: Not having sex doesn't mean you're broken. It can be a choice, a change of life, or loss of interest, and that's perfectly fine. Here's what you need to know about. This is a joke I was told a long time ago, probably as a high school student in India, trying to come to terms with the baffling ways of statistics. What I like about it is how it alerts you to.

Mafia. Joke. We're not trying to make your life harder. We promise that this post is all about love for Italian food. Check out the biggest and baddest list of Italian jokes below, and share this post with the Italian in your life as a token of appreciation. Show your mama's boy these stereotype examples - hopefully, you'll laugh at it Check out these 16 Doctor jokes of all time made for doctors and medical persons. Read on these relatable funny medical jokes 200 Marriage Jokes. 1. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. 2. Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a. All rise for these funny lawyer jokes and attorney jokes. Whether you're guilty or innocent, our law puns, legal puns and law school jokes will make you laugh even in court. A young lawyer is.

Waiting Jokes - Joke Buddh

An overly long gag with a lot of tension built up as an actual story is a Shaggy Dog Story. When Incredibly Long Note is played for laughs, it might reach this. If the gag itself isn't overly long, but the distance between the setup and the payoff is, it's an Overly Preprepared Gag or Brick Joke . Advertisement It takes a certain kind of humor to truly appreciate a good, solid dad joke in 2021. And by good, we obviously mean bad. Ridiculously bad. So bad that people are left shaking their heads. So bad.

And the one percent that manages to get pregnant while taking birth control. 20 Somethings 30 Somethings baby bump Brilliant Childrearing Comedy Fatherhood Funny Jokes Haha Health & Wellness Hilarious Humor Knocked Up lol Love mommies Moms Motherhood nine months Parenthood Parenting Pregnancy Pregnant Puns Womens Lifestyl Either way, it's going to be a good time. Try some of the rainy day jokes above for when you can't think of any original ones so long as you don't care about the general cheesiness. You might be taking your love interest on a date at a fancy restaurant before you know it. Whether your first date is at a fancy restaurant or if it's.

A parishioner dozed off to sleep during the sermon one Sunday morning.Will all who want to go to heaven stand, the pastor said.The entire congregation stood except for the lone sleeping parishioner.The pastor implored them to sit down and continued, speaking dramatically, Now will all who want to dance with the devil, please stand.Just then someone dropped a hymnal on the wooden. Clean Jokes - A collection of funny jokes you can tell to your co-workers and kids without getting in trouble. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, I wish they were all ugly. Now, before that happens, take a break and just unwind. We have the funniest nurse jokes to make you feel a little bit lighter. Joke #1: The Dead Nurse Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse? A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its a$$ chewed

Below is a small selection of Aussie jokes, but we are always happy to add more, if you know a good one please send it to us!. Be aware though to stop joking at the airport, in June 2005 it was in the national news that Aussie airports were now declared no-joking zones, several people had been fined heavily for joking about bombs or other terrorism related things, and the public was warned. Seriously: If you've ever seen one in person, you know that all they want to do is play with their toys and take adorable baths. Because we love elephants so much, we rounded up the best elephant jokes of all time. You'll want to be all ears for these For most of his life (or at least as long as I knew him), he was a huge advocate and gleeful teller of Dad Jokes. If you've ever had a father (or currently are one), you don't need me to. FightHype.com was on the scene in Sheffield, England where retired undefeated former pound-for-pound king Floyd Mayweather took photos with fans who showed u.. Perfect your joke-telling skills with these hilarious long jokes. Don't forget to vary your voice, using expression and sound effects wherever you can. And actions lots of actions! Balloon Boy. Balloon Boy sneaked out of his balloon school and started ballooning around in the balloon playground

People in the first group, who read the entire joke, tend to enjoy the journey of life, and take their time as they move towards a goal. When traveling, they tend to thoroughly enjoy the process, and are not uptight or stressed about single-mindedly getting to their destination This obviously isn't working out. I think it's time for us to go our separate ways and start making other people miserable. 37. If you need so much space, there's always NASA. 38. They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts already. 39. Your mind might want to dance, but your body is a really awkward white guy. 40

Top 26 Clock Jokes: What time Is It? It's Time To Laugh

Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. Funny can be good: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? A $100 bill. What's the difference between the G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will search for a golf ball. What's the difference between a woman and a computer? Computers don't laugh at 3.5″ floppies Joke has 86.08 % from 1501 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife. A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor Funny Fishing Joke 1. A guy had planned a fishing trip to his favorite fishing spot on the flats of Florida. He packed and began the trip to the water. He launched his boat, motored to his sea trout honey hole, and began fishing. In no time, he caught the biggest trout he'd ever caught. He cast out again and was delighted to catch an even.

As time passed, though, it became more and more acceptable to find humor in the tragedy, and people's rankings climbed—reaching a peak 36 days after landfall. After this point, humor. A boy and a man sit on a couch together. The boy says to the man, Yeah, well, I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either. — Akshat Anand. 3. A man is flying in a hot-air.

joke bank. -. Relationship Jokes. A child asked his father, How were people born? So his father said, Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on. The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now. The child. Yo momma jokes, marriage jokes, kids, redneck, knock knock, and other clean jokes.  Aha! Jokes. The leader in clean jokes and funny pictures! All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web! Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, Yo, man

31 of the Best Retirement Jokes ThinkAdviso

  1. The manager says: You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife -- you can go to the office and do some work. A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, I have.
  2. Sometimes a bad joke is just that: a bad joke.But some jokes are so jaw-droppingly ridiculous that they transcend their own awfulness to reach a higher plane of funny.Try as you may not to laugh, we're all, on some level, powerless to jokes that revel in their own cringe-iness. To prove it, we've rounded up 165 of our favorite bad jokes
  3. es the man and says, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample, and a sperm sample
  4. Distance changes utterly when you take the world on foot. A mile becomes a long way, two miles literally considerable, ten miles whopping, fifty miles at the very limits of conception. The world, you realize, is enormous in a way that only you and a small community of fellow hikers know. Planetary scale is your little secret
  5. ed the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor said, Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch
  6. Take a look at these jokes. Hockey Jokes. If you're a fan of the NHL, you need to check out these hockey jokes! Golf Jokes. Do you enjoy playing golf? Try out these jokes the next time you're on the green. Star Wars Jokes. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... here are some Star Wars themed jokes. Fishing Jokes

50 Hilarious Clean Jokes That Will Make You Laugh At Any

  1. PARIS, Nov. 14 (Agence France-Presse) -- In what is thought to be the biggest merger of all time, Men and Women have agreed to join forces into one sex, to be called Humanicorp. The details of the arrangement are still being hammered out, but early negotiations have Men taking breasts
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  3. The 25 Best Dirty Jokes Of All Time. October 1, 2019 Leave a Comment. If you get easily offeneded or need a safe space, these dirty jokes are definitely not for you! 1. A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually. 2

Funny Time Joke

The 101+ Best Clock Jokes - ↑UPJOKE

The funniest joke from Edinburgh Fringe Festival: NickA 4-day school week? New study says cut it down to boostWe shouldn’t be taking the ginger hair myth as red - WalesWhy SHe will be new lion of Make in India: Twitter full of

Quotes tagged as perspective Showing 1-30 of 1,994. The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be. Science has a formula for when you can tell jokes about tragedy. Tell that joke too soon and your friends will think you're a jerk. But wait too long, and you'll just seem lame. (Thinkstock) by. A: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride. ———-Q: How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night? A: With flood lighting. ———-Q: What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle? A: With a cowculator. ———-Q: What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk? A: An udder failure. ———